Warning: what follows is an unabashedly truthful rendering of one woman’s journey through menopause. Men who are squeamish about discussions of blood, periods, Aunt Flo, cramps, tampons, sweating, vaginas, or middle-aged women in general should probably stop reading right about now. Bless your hearts.
Image provided courtesy of http://www.gratisography.com/
In the past few years, my uterus has declared war. This was not a gradual shift, a kind or slow and steady progression of the aging process. Oh no, it hit full force with an onset of crazy heavy periods and mood swings akin to Sybil on steroids. Every day occurrences–dishes left in the sink, the sound of a baby crying, a shopping cart with a squeaky wheel–could turn me to blubbering mush or irate lunatic in zero to three seconds. I became a stranger in my own body. My affliction: menopause.
Here’s the thing: no one talks about menopause. Don’t get me wrong, there’s A LOT of information on the net about menopause. But I don’t really hear the dialogue. Thinking way back to when I got my first period, we girls talked about our periods, our “Aunt Flo”, all the time. Using tampons (could we still be virgins and use TPs?), who was the last to get her period, dealing with bloat, feeling like hell–these were common conversations at sleepovers.
My cohort is huge: there are over 4 million of us in the U.S. who joined Club Fifty in 2013. Approximately two million women born in 1963 are probably going through menopause right now! That’s a lot of gal pals out there, where’s the chatter?
Image provided courtesy of http://www.gratisography.com/
As a public service, I’m turning on the megaphone: let’s talk about menopause.
What is menopause? According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, menopause is:
The natural cessation of ovarian function and menstruation. It can occur between the ages of 42 and 56 but usually occurs around the age of 51, when the ovaries stop producing eggs and estrogen levels decline. (http://www.asrm.org/Topic_Index_Menopause/ accessed 3-14-15).
SYMPTOMS. These have been my symptoms, yours may be very different.
Changes in cycle duration. About five years ago, my cycle switched from every 35 days to every 25 days. Currently, I haven’t had a period since January. I’ve been told that I’m not officially post-menopausal until my periods have ceased for at least one year. I’ve probably just jinxed myself big time by admitting I now have a target date.
Image provided courtesy of http://mrg.bz/dfGRQV
Mood swings. This has been going on for several years. I’m not a gal who tends to cry often. Now EVERYTHING tugs at my heartstrings. I swear I was once inconsolable over a tire commercial. Oh, and the flipside of this equation has been the going off the rails over very minor issues. I finally talked to my doctor and she prescribed a low dose of Lexapro. The Hubs swears it saved our marriage.
Heavy periods. For the past two years my periods have been awful–for 4 to 6 hours. Each month, on the second day of my period, I’ve bled so heavily I’ve barely been able to walk away from the bathroom.
Dry skin. Most of my life I’ve been plagued with oily skin. But now, thanks to menopause, I’ve got moisturizer stashed in every drawer of every cabinet in the house as well as at least three tubes in the car and a travel size in my purse. Still, my legs and arms are beginning to resemble the lizards I grew up with in Florida.
Hot flashes. These have come on quite abruptly over the past six months. A girlfriend mentioned to me that she wasn’t sure if she’s had a hot flash. Trust me, if you’re not sure, you haven’t had one. It’s like a furnace blasts hot air across your skin. On a very cold night this past February, the Hubs and I were driving back from an event in the city. A hot flash hit and I had to roll down the car window and hang my head outside like a Labrador. The worst part is when a hot flash wakes me up in the middle of the night. The Hot Flash Tango: Blanket on, blanket off. Blanket on, blanket off.
http://www.hitfix.com/galleries/101-greatest-gifs-of-all-time
Weight gain. This bothers me the most. Rationally, I know this weight gain hasn’t occurred overnight. However, it seems to me that I suddenly have this spare tire around my midsection that Will. Not. Budge. I recently had to go up a size in my jeans and I cried at the check-out register while purchasing a new pair.
MANAGEMENT. Again, these are options based on my personal experience. I’m NOT A DOCTOR nor have I ever played one on TV. These are merely notes from one gal pal to another:
- For the hot flashes I’ve been taking black cohosh which seems to be helping. For additional information about black cohosh, see Women Living Naturally.
- For the dry skin I’m trying Aveeno (well it works for Jennifer Aniston). Haven’t seen a significant improvement to date.
- For the mood swings, in addition to the Lexapro I’m now trying yoga at least once a week–loving it.
- Trying to tackle the weight gain by hitting the gym twice a week and working on eliminating my late night snacking habit. The muffintop continues to be firmly in place.
SILVER-LINING MOMENT. Menopause does mean no more months like this: If Your Period Was a Person
I’ve put it all out there for everyone to see. Now it’s your turn.
Are you experiencing menopause? Symptoms? Solutions? Advice?
Cheers,
Kimba
PS: Thanks to Julie Gorges–please visit her at Baby Boomer Bliss–I’ve discovered a wonderful website called Hot Flash Daily. This may be my favorite find of 2015!
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Irish Carter says
March 27, 2015 at 12:10 amHi Kimba,
I’m so sorry we have to go through these crazy dances in life. I’ve had the moods, heavy bleeding, hot flashes rolling for about 4 years now. I did have a hysterectomy 2 years back so the flow disappeared. I’ve also learned for myself that if I cut back caffeinne, the hot flashes slow down. Not entirely but some.
The post was a hoot. Thanks for making me laugh because I can relate so much. The video was just hilarious. Thanks for sharing it.
Take care and have a great upcoming weekend.
Irish
Kim Dalferes says
April 3, 2015 at 9:10 amI love the video too! I guess the glass is always 1/2 full right – silver lining to not have to deal with Aunt Flo each month.
suzi says
March 22, 2015 at 8:08 pmWonderful job! I stumbled across your twitter account and love that you tell it like it is. I work with women as a fitness and wellness coach and let me tell you, we ALL have those symptoms and its GREAT to have someone else say it out loud.. bravo
Kimba says
March 23, 2015 at 11:57 amThx Suzi – I’m so glad you found me. Welcome to the Middle-Aged Cheap Seats. We don’t often discuss religion or politics here, but almost everything else is free game. As a fitness and wellness coach, any advice regarding how to fend off middle-aged weight gain?
Nathalie Villeneuve says
March 22, 2015 at 10:31 amThis is the best and most honest post I have ever read in 5 years. Oh! 5 years ago….things were so different for me. at 45, I was not even thinking about menopause and use to say; “I’m gonna skip it”…lol yeah right! Anyway forward 5 years. I am 50 now and my body is experiencing a bunch of foreign symptoms. I see a naturopath and he has helped a LOT. I feel for you as it seems you have been going through heavy duty stuff. I hope you are able to manage it all somehow. One of the things that has helped me a whole lot is to quit eating ALL sugar based food and ALL carbs. Yes you read right. It’s been SO difficult the first 60 days. It’s been 8 months now and I feel a lot better. I lost weight around my tummy (more specifically my upper tummy). I used to always feel bloated and that has gone away. It’s a constant battle thought…the hardest has been not drinking wine. Sorry Doctor, that one I KEEP! Sending love and light you way Kimba! Love ya!
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:02 pmThx Nathalie! That is high praise from you. I have to say that I”m surprised that you’re 50 – you make the 5th decade look awesome! You are a living testament to what healthy eating can do for you. I’m working on eliminating sugar from my diet – it’s a tough one for me.
Julie Gorges says
March 21, 2015 at 7:20 pmAbout a year ago, I was hired to write humorous articles about menopause for Hot Flash Daily and had more fun with it. When it comes to menopause you can laugh or cry – it’s best to laugh whenever possible! Humor can help you get through what is indeed a trying time for most women. You’re right, it should be an openly discussed subject. Good job making me laugh and sharing some valuable information.
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:27 pmJulie, THANK YOU for the info about Hot Flash Daily – I just checked it out and it’s terrific! I’ve added a little shout out at the end of the post above.
bodynsoil says
March 21, 2015 at 8:36 amI’m peri menopausal and going it without medications, only eating well and trying to keep cool about it. As a nutrition coach I’d like to think I have a handle on this but there are days where perimenopause is in full control.. yikes.
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:32 pmJust to let you know, initially I was opposed to any kind of medication and like you I was working through diet and exercise. For me, I finally needed a little extra help. I have friends who are also using HRT. No judgement here and seems to be helping them.
Lois Alter Mark says
March 20, 2015 at 10:59 pmI’ve been premenopausal for years and think I’m finally done. I can totally relate to that Orange is the New Black gif because, sadly, I feel like that way too often!
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:39 pmYeah, Those mood swings are just the worst. Here’s how I described them: you’re at the grocery store and you go to get a cart, but as much as you tug and pull and shake, the damn thing won’t come loose. Then, the next person comes up behind you and a cart easily glides right out for them. The way you feel – that’s menopausal mood swings.
Andi says
March 20, 2015 at 9:12 pmI might be pre-menopausal, I am currently trying to figure that out. I have some symptoms and they are not fun, the only comfort I take is that there are a few women around me that I can chat with that makes things better.
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:42 pmAndi, it’s really helpful to compare notes with your gal pals. It will help you feel more normal when you know that all women go through this.
Carolann Iadarola says
March 20, 2015 at 9:12 pmI know how gruesome it can be. I can’t stand the sweats – they are the worst!
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:49 pmOh man, I have girlfriends that sweat right through their shirts. Mine have not been that significant except at night – puddles!
Carol Cassara says
March 20, 2015 at 6:56 pmI feel really, really lucky because my menopause was a breeze. I hate to even say it but I do feel lucky. I guess i was like my mom in that.
Kim Dalferes says
March 23, 2015 at 12:49 pmCarol, I’m genuinely happy for you. It’s nice to know that not everyone has a rough time of it.
Betty Eitner says
March 20, 2015 at 4:15 pmWhat great post… We all go through it but, like you said, no one really wants to talk about it.
All night – covers on, covers off, covers on, covers off….
All day – clothes on, clothes off, clothes on, clothes off… only problem is can’t do this in public 🙂
If men went through menopause, the little blue pill would have been designed to “stop the hot flashes” and not to try to get it on with a women who wants to rip her clothes off… just to cool off!
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 6:23 pmLMAO Betty, if there was justice in the world men would get child birth and mammograms would be done on a machine made of pillows!
Marquita Herald says
March 20, 2015 at 3:32 pmWow! This is enough to put fear into the heart of any woman approaching ‘that’ age! Still, I think it’s far better to be open and honest about it all and keep a sense of humor than hide behind closed doors the way women in previous generations did.
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 6:25 pmI know Marty, right? Knowledge is power. And, shared experience help us feel less alone. I’ve been surprised to find that so many women I talk to have the same experiences and symptoms as me – I was beginning to feel like the only one!
kathykate says
March 20, 2015 at 2:07 pmFav menopause convos:
Me: “You still getting your period?”
Friend: “Every fucking day!”
What we need is a “Are you there god, it’s me Margaret” new & improved edition for 50+ squad. Margaret would not like what is happening to this here body right now.
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 6:26 pmOMG, my friend Dani and I were just talking about this. How about this for the title: “Hey God, Marge Here. Um, WTF?!”
Estelle says
March 20, 2015 at 12:32 pmsuch important info. You should connect with Ellen Dolgen who writes about menopause.
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 12:45 pmThx Estelle. I like Ellen’s writing very much.
Mary says
March 20, 2015 at 12:03 pmGood information! I need to keep this handily so when It starts I will know what to do!
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 12:48 pmHappy to help Mary – it’s a bit of a crazy ride for sure!
Rena McDaniel says
March 20, 2015 at 10:35 amI’m 45 and going through the exact same thing! My poor husband doesn’t know if he is coming or going! You wake up at night sweating your butt off and through the covers off and then your soaked with sweat and freezing! It’s a never ending cycle and the periods OMG! I feel like I am dying but I’m like you I will get one and then none for 2 or 3 months then when I least expect it BAM there it is again! Life is not fun right now for sure!
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 12:47 pmRena, those night sweats can be awful – I had them in my forties as well. I’m told there are PJs that are designed to wick away the moisture – anyone out there tried them?
Greg says
March 20, 2015 at 10:06 amI’m Out !!!!!
Kim Dalferes says
March 20, 2015 at 12:46 pmBless your heart Hon.