There seems to be quite a bit written lately regarding what couples argue about. Just last week one of my favorite writers, Crystal Ponti, penned a piece for the Huffington Post – 5 Crazy Things Most Couples Fight About. I especially liked Ponti’s take on how assumptions are often the root cause of most misunderstandings and arguments. Ponti is a bit of an expert in this arena: she contributed to the hilarious and recently released Clash of the Couples, which is filled with fabulous tales of coupledom squabbles.
It seems we couples sure do fight about some really stupid stuff.
Here’s the thing: if I’ve garnered any little bit of wisdom after nearly seventeen years of life with the Hubs (almost fourteen of them married), it’s that the solution to most issues is compromise and humor. If every disagreement has to escalate to full-blown winner/loser status, pretty soon you end up with two extremely exhausted people who have spent hours in circular arguments without a clue as to how the argument started in the first place. Small disagreements over common issues: dishes in the sink, toilet paper replacement, or making dinner can quickly get out of hand and devolve into giant storms over irresponsibility, self-worth, and lack of mutual appreciation and respect.
Truth be told, I did not always excel at compromise in my first marriage. This second time around, as I look back from up here in the middle-aged cheap seats, I realize that I’ve mellowed out somewhat. Is it age? Is it experience? Perhaps it’s the realization that these three little words can save you a lot of heartache: Lighten Up, Shirley.
Hubs and I have learned to agree to disagree in many areas: politics, religion, and NASCAR (I’ve tried, but I really don’t get NASCAR). However, there remains one area, one very important area, where we cannot come to consensus: the tucking of bed sheets.
Image provided courtesy of morgueFile, http://mrg.bz/Lli5uc
Hubs is a tucker. I get it, he’s a military guy, and they have a long history of straight, stiff corners and bed sheets secured so tightly you can bounce a quarter off of them. But who sleeps that way?! I gotta have my sheets untucked, with room for one foot to stick out the side. This may be the oddest line in the sand for a couple, but there’s just no compromising on this one. My size 11’s are not going to be happy all bunched up at the end of the bed. Each night we do our little bed sheet dance – Hubs is tucked up, but not moi. Seems perfectly reasonable that this would be our standoff, don’t cha think?
I know that Hubs and I are not alone out here, that most couples have at least one area where their disagreements seem pretty stupid to the outside world. For a compilation, I invite you to watch this video – Weird Things that ALL Couples Fight About. What makes this video, which is part of a series, so wonderful is that the actors in the video are also married in real life – this makes me love them even more.
Do you have one reoccurring argument with your significant other that may seem ridiculous, but makes perfect sense to you?
Cheryl Nicholl saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:45 am
My husband it a putzer- he changes and tinkers with things like the thermostat, locking doors, what and when to feed the pets, travel arrangements (i could go on and on) and I’ve asked him to be aware of this so that he will calm it the hell down. This seemed impossible until I showed up at his office and rearranged his desk without his permission. He’s much more aware of my point-of-view now.
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:50 am
OMG, I SO love where your head is at! I may have to go re-arrange the Hubs’ desk right now!
SHELLEY R ZUREK saysNovember 18, 2014 at 1:16 am
That’s so funny! I am the tucker in our family and my husband (who is 6’6″) is the untucker (for obvious reasons).
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:25 am
My husband is 6 ft 2 and he’s still a tucker – go figure.
Estelle Erasmus saysNovember 18, 2014 at 12:35 am
I really like your point of view on all of this. I think we used to fight over the cover on the bed, until I got an extra large one. Problem solved.
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:25 am
Great solution! Now, do you have one for dishes left in the sink…
Ruth Curran saysNovember 17, 2014 at 8:15 pm
I love your perspective – not many fights are worth it. Our 30 + years together brought us closer and closer each year – I think it is that we take time to laugh, appreciate, and enjoy the small stuf.
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:26 am
Laughter sure seems to be the key to a happy marriage. Well, that and tequila.
Ines Roe saysNovember 17, 2014 at 8:10 pm
Great video – and so true. Most things couple argue about are often silly. I do think it is important though to look at what is below the surface. Many of the arguments are “Groundhog Day” in nature and represent the “dance” couples do and are representative of the dynamics in the relationship
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:28 am
Ines I do think you are right. Someone once told me the fight is rarely about the fight. Unresolved issues do have a way of coming back again and again.
Elin Stebbins Waldal saysNovember 17, 2014 at 7:30 pm
Like you, my second marriage has gone way better! I for sure have mellowed with age and try to subscribe to the, “don’t sweat the small stuff” attitude. I mean really, does it matter –really– how a towel is folder? Anyway. The video was hilarious, especially the chewing! Sometimes I think we would all benefit from lightening up! Fun post.
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:29 am
I really love that video series. If you have time, check out some of the other ones – the vampire one is particularly funny and clever.
Carpool Goddess saysNovember 17, 2014 at 7:08 pm
I find much of what we argue about is really nonsense, so we both try to add some humor to diffuse the situation. After 28 years together we can still make each other laugh. Thank God!
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:30 am
I’m hearing laughter is the key to a successful marriage quite a bit through these comments. Instead of couples therapy, maybe we should come up with laughter therapy?
Sheryl saysNovember 17, 2014 at 5:54 pm
After over 30 years of marriage, I’m finally learning that few arguments are worth it. That’s not to say they don’t happen – and assumptions are almost always the culprit!
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:31 am
Oohhh, assumptions are a killer. I have to work on that issue a lot.
Jackie saysNovember 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm
My husband is also a bed sheet tucker inner — my piggies need to be free. It’s a constant source of friction.
Of course we have many other, but most center around sleeping — the sheet thing, the light thing, the television on/off thing, the window open/closed thing, the air conditioner on/off thing, LOL! Our bedroom sounds like a battle zone, but it’s not. We usually compromise 🙂
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:32 am
LOL, your bed must be a wreck each morning!
Cathy Chester saysNovember 17, 2014 at 2:21 pm
We argue over silly things, but after almost 26 years of marriage (this week) they are nothing compared to fights other couple’s have. In other words, it works for us cause our love is so strong!
Kimba saysNovember 18, 2014 at 11:34 am
Happy anniversary! Would love to know what’s the silliest argument you’ve ever had with your husband.
Lois Alter Mark saysNovember 17, 2014 at 12:52 pm
We fight over my pillows, which he seems to gravitate to as soon as I get out of bed. It’s a totally stupid argument but I guess if this is the worst we have after 33 years of marriage, we’re doing pretty well!
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:21 pm
LOL – he takes your pillows?! OK, that’s a new one… 🙂
Susannah Carroll saysNovember 15, 2014 at 5:03 am
I knew we had many things in common, Kimba, but I had no idea that we are both one-foot-outta-the-sheets kind of gals. When I get too warm, I’m also known to flop the whole leg out from under the covers until I cool down. Congrats on another book! It’ll be good advice for when I get married some day – maybe to a french man. 🙂
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:23 pm
I will be at your French soiree with bells on and champagne in hand!
Marquita Herald saysNovember 14, 2014 at 7:21 pm
The video is great Kimba! I’m out of my element here – for one thing I’ve been divorced awhile now and for another my ex didn’t fight, he sulked. Bad memories, bad memories. Anyway, as always, enjoyed your thoughtful insights. 🙂
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:24 pm
Oh honey, sorry if I dredged up any bad memories for you! May your day today be filled with nothing but laughter and sunshine.
Marla saysNovember 14, 2014 at 12:56 pm
I smile every time I read your posts Kimba!
I’m reminded of the saying that goes something like, you can be right or you can be kind. I have to remind myself sometimes to decide, does this really matter – is it worth taking a stand for? Admittedly I don’t always catch myself in time 🙂
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:29 pm
Oh, I LOVE “you can be right or you can be kind.” I think I’ll write that on the wall next to my desk!
Barbara Kram saysNovember 13, 2014 at 3:00 pm
Yeah, my husband CHEWS TOO LOUD…not with everyday, nutriant-filled food, but CHEX MIX. And when I (politely) tell him he is chewing too loud, he speeds up…which is just like putting a jackhammer on high test. It doesn’t make it any less loud!! I am sure he has HIS side of the story…but who could hear it with all that CHEWING???
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:41 pm
LMAO, I have no witty fix for the loud chewer. May I suggest headphones for you…
Astra Groskaufmanis saysNovember 13, 2014 at 12:25 pm
What the tuck?!
Loved the clip! I don’t care if the utensils are up or down in the d/w, I just wish they weren’t always in one basket 🙂
My husband always jokes that we have only one disagreement; “She thinks I’m a jerk and i disagree” !!
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:42 pm
All in one basket; yeah, that sh*t would bother me too.
Carol Cassara saysNovember 13, 2014 at 12:06 pm
“Lighten up” is such great self-advice in marriage! I loved this post.
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm
Thx Carol. I’m sure “Lighten Up” is gonna end up on my tombstone.
Anne Louise Bannon saysNovember 13, 2014 at 12:01 pm
I’ve discovered the joys of letting things go.
My husband will never wipe off a surface. But he jss other redeeming qualities, so what the heck.
Kimba saysNovember 17, 2014 at 1:51 pm
It is kind of a balancing act: He’s always late, I always have a to-do list. We manage. I’ve tried putting “don’t be late” on the list. He just loses the list. 🙂