Kimberly Dalferes | Author

Crazy, Southern, Irish Gal, Author

Stupid Sh*t Said to Women

by

A friend recently recommended I read the interview of Hillary Clinton by Editor-in-Chief Cindi Leive of Glamour magazine. This September 2014 article focuses on career advice for women – the article was suggested because I’ve developed a keen interest in the whole “lean in vs be balanced” debate. FYI, excerpts from this interview can we be found online at: http://www.glamour.com/inspired/2014/08/hillary-rodham-clinton-career-lessons (accessed 9-29-14)

Clinton’s discussion of what it was like to be a woman taking the law school admissions test back in the early 70s is particularly thought-provoking. She recalls men saying to her:

What are you doing here?

You shouldn’t be here.

You’re taking the place of a man who could maybe get drafted and die in Vietnam.

Flash forward to today when the percentage of women in law school compared to men is hovering around 46% (http://insidethelawschoolscam.blogspot.com/2013/01/what-about-women.html accessed 9-29-14). Overall, we may not be equal, but we’ve certainly progressed past overt discrimination … right? I’ve been wondering:

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As if on cue, this past week I was quickly reminded that there continue to be boneheads out there who say just the dumbest sh*t ever to and about women. Fox News “The Five” host Eric Bolling, reporting about airstrikes against Syria, asked if the United Arab Emirates’ first female fighter pilot, Major Miriam al-Mansouri, amounted to boobs on the ground.

Oh, but that’s not all! While you watch, make note that his cohort in stupidity, Greg Gutfeld, also quipped: Problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn’t park it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrqaw7lB76c

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Welcome to 2014, where we’re still dealing with this kind of flat out sexist ridicule. To ensure that it’s not just me who is getting really tired of this sort of BS, I sent a little shout out query to my peeps, asking them their experiences with remarks that would never be said to, or about, men. Wow, did I get an earful! Special thanks to the women over on Midlife Boulevard who provided so much material I may very well have the beginnings of a new book:

Stupid Sh*t Said to Women (but never to men)

You’re not one of those feminists, are you?

You look great for your age.

You seem a little upset. Is it, you know, cycle-related?

It’s a man’s world. WTF does that even mean??

My husband would never let me cut my hair that short.

Or –  

Are you growing your hair out? 

Or –  

What does your husband think of your haircut? I can guarantee you, no one has ever asked the Hubs what I think of his ‘do.

At work, pregnant with her fourth child, a friend was asked: What kind of birth control do you use?

Perhaps I should speak with your husband. Or, Don’t you need to ask your husband?

You sure know a lot about football, for a girl. Anything said then followed by for a girl, is officially stupid.

Would you mind taking notes, getting coffee, or cleaning off the conference table?

Well, you’re just big-boned.

Cute outfit, did you borrow in from your daughter? Your mother? Can you imagine anyone EVER asking a guy if he borrowed a jacket from his son??

Combating this stupidity, calling it out when it happens, takes time, patience, and the occasional use of one’s middle finger. I’m most definitely up for the challenge. Have face palm, will travel.

I certainly don’t want to leave you all pissed off and ready to pick a fight, so I’ll end with this very brief yet brilliant John Cleese overview regarding why stupid people are so stupid. Worth the watch – enjoy! 

“John Cleese on Stupidity” – YouTube

How about you, has anyone ever said something to you that qualifies to be on the list of the STUPIDEST sh*t ever said to women?

Cheers,

Kimba

Comments

  1. Wow – I don’t even know where to begin! Okay, first of all love John Cleese anyway but this is a brilliant clip and I couldn’t agree more with his assessment of Fox News. I saw the clip you referenced above and was delighted to see that so did Jon Stewart who did a wonderful job on the Daily Show of bashing the idiot who made the comment about the woman pilot.

    As far as my own experience with stupid stuff men say – oh sure, like every other woman on the planet. But the experiences that sticks OUT in my mind have to do with I first went into hotel sales – every man I knew tried to talk me out of it. The fact that there were only men on sales staff at the time m-a-y have had something to do with it. I put up with the “why can’t you just be a good girl and be happy where you are” comments and scored my job. Then I did the unthinkable – pushed to get the lucrative East Coast as my territory which stunned the old boys club. I ignored the hurtful comments … which stopped when I achieved 200% of my sales goals. When I was promoted to international sales and took over the Japan territory the men went into full attack mode. Women just did NOT sit at the business table with Japanese businessmen and what the hell was I thinking because I didn’t even speak the language! Well, I did my job and scored another win.

    So as annoying and childish as the big boys club is, my own approach (at least in the work place) has always been to just do my best to beat the pants off of them – metaphorically speaking of course. 🙂

    • Marti, my step-mom working in sales for 25 years – that’s how she met my Dad. She had to deal with CRAZY discrimination against women, especially initially my Dad! But, when it was put it or shut up, she sold circles around the boys. I think you and Mary would get along great!!

  3. Agg, these things make my blood boil! Luckily, things are changing… our female ancestors couldn’t even think of replying to these assholes!

    • You know Lily, that’s a really good point. New interview tapes of Jacqueline Kennedy have been released, and I was so taken aback by how much she deferred to her husband – Hillary Clinton nor Michelle Obama would ever think of deferring an answer to their husband.

  4. OMG, some of these are cringe worthy to be sure! UGH! It’s a different world, and I’m happy to say I don’t live in any of these worlds….and I’ll be damned if my daughter will either! Awesome post!

  5. We have to raise our children to be egalitarian. Unfortunately there are stupid people breeding faster than the rest of the population… witness FOX still being considered a news org.

    • Nancy, I do have great faith in the next generation. They seem to have their sh*t together when it comes to equality at many levels and across many facets of our society.

  6. NOW I’m gonna be on the lookout for comments like these…I usually let them pass over my head, figuring the person who said them isn’t worth my breath and doesn’t deserve a response. But I need to add some new ones to your list!

    • Sheryl, I always struggle a bit with when and how to call someone out. But this Fox News flub really hit a nerve with me. It might be because my husband is in the military and he really respects everyone who works with him – gender is not an issue.

  8. I can’t believe any woman would watch Fox News at this point. Some of the truly stupidest sh*t has come from politicians and people in authority positions. Sometimes I have to check to make sure I’m not reading The Onion – and I’m always disappointed to see that I’m not.

    • I know right?! I really thought that Fox News spot was a parody when I first saw it. The Onion couldn’t even dram up something that outrageous!

  9. My daughter and her boyfriend are in grad school together, both studying architecture. She says she is asked all the time if he helped her with her project, and he is NEVER asked if she helped him. They do support and help each other, but she is peeved that it’s always presumed she’s the one getting help, especially on technical issues.

    • That must be SO frustrating for your daughter! I wish I could come up with a witty come back for her when she is confronted with that kind of stupidity.

    • How have you confronted this kind of stupidity? Carol, you strike me as the kind of woman who would not put up with someone saying something like this to or about you!

  13. “You are not going to go tell all your friends what mean men we are are you?” said the soon to be Ex-Director of Marketing to the Executive Vice President of Operations. Silly man :)!

    It is troubling that we have so far to go. When I was in college, I never thought we would only be here in 2014, did you?

  14. They said that on “The Five”, haven’t they heard that women are equals now; get with the times Fox.. Ps. I can’t stand listening to these guys..

    My bestie is a female engineer; she’s worked on amazing projects (space flight, stealth bomber, A350) for the commercial, military and Nasa; she talks about all the sexism in her career field; which hasn’t changed much..

    • We can’t talk the talk about wanting to encourage women to pursue work in fields in science and technology but then treat them like second class citizens when they join in.

  15. I know many women are concerned they are too uptight on these issues but if anything we accept too much of this BS. Even Senator Gillibrand says she gets it from male Senators. Sheesh!

    • I also struggle with “are we taking ourselves too seriously” questions. But it’s not usually a fine line, it’s usually a neon “you just said what?!” moment.

  16. You and John Cleese need to meet some day. Both of you are great at making astute observations about life and writing about them!

  19. Well, Kimba, I think you know my favorite line. When people hear that my husband can cook and I can’t, I reply, “well, you can’t be good in every room!”

  20. Definitely sounds like MY girl! I’ve always told you..came out of the wound as an independent thinker & mover & shaker & has always stood up for women’s equality. Good post.

  21. I had a headlight replaced for my friend, so I drove her van to Auto Zone. A woman helped me. She grabbed the headlight and replaced it herself. With her arm dug deep inside the hood of the car as she was trying to feel around this annoying clip on the headlight, a big, burly redneck man with a duck dynasty beard pulls up in a pick up truck. You can’t get anymore stereotypical of a modern neanderthal than this guy. He gets out of the truck, instantly sees the female working under my hood, smirks a cocky smile and giggles to himself, walks by and arrogantly says, “You’re not deep enough to fix it.” I wish I said it to him, but my best comeback happened after he walked in the store, but it would have been, “Honey, God didn’t give you what you need to dig that deep.”

    I asked her if she gets this all the time. Yes. Yes she does. Men are b-words.

    • Honestly, what is the deal with men and mechanics? I always assume that I will be ripped off unless my husband negotiates the process. I would LOVE to find a female mechanic!!!

  23. Let’s pledge to call out stupid each and every time, EVEN IF “they’re only joking” EVEN WHEN “just kidding” EVEN THOUGH “can’t take a joke” … EVEN “not talking about you” the more we let this shit roll off our shoulders, the more permission we give for people to say it again. And the younger (than us) girls & boys are finding it acceptable. Shit’s gotta stop somewhere, so i say we do it!

  25. Dear God. It is SO incredible how stupid people still are. (And some will always remain so.) Great piece, and yes, you DO have the beginnings of a book here.

Random Kimba Musings

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