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Kimberly Dalferes | Author

Crazy, Southern, Irish Gal, Author

In Praise of Limited Access

April 17, 2017 by Kim Dalferes

Each weekday evening ends with this solemn promise to myself: I will not be a crazy person in the coming dawn. I take very specific precautions to ensure that the morning will be without the frantic run-a-round and histrionics:

  • The next work-day outfit is assembled and laid out alongside coordinating jewelry and shoes.
  • Smoothie contents are premeasured and placed upon the top shelf of the frig to be blended in the a.m.
  • The alarm is set with an eye for allowing plenty of time for shower, hair, and make-up.

And yet, somehow each morn, all the prep goes right straight to Hell in a handbasket.

And yet, somehow each morn, all the prep goes right straight to Hell in a handbasket. Click To Tweet

Image provided courtesy of pixels.com CC0 license, free for commercial and personal use.

Each morning from 6 to 7, despite my best efforts otherwise, I become a swirling cyclone of running up and down stairs in search of items that often include, but are not limited to, an umbrella, socks, wait – no socks cuz it’s now sandals weather, sunglasses, metro card, car keys, the report I reviewed for work the night before, Kleenex (cuz it’s allergy season), and my stash of protein bars. As the clock moves past 7 am I grab the protein shake to be consumed in the car, kiss the hubs, pet the cat (dammit, back to the kitchen to feed her), and finally with rolling backpack in tow I toss all into the Subaru and head down the driveway and into rush hour traffic to begin my trek to the metro station. The cell phone lying on the passenger seat dings as the incoming messages pile up in queue, but of course I don’t look or respond because texting and driving is NOT. COOL (and it’s also illegal).

Image provided courtesy of Pexels.com CC0 license, free for commercial and personal use.

Twenty minutes later (give or take depending on the traffic, school buses, and whether or not the traffic light goddess is smiling upon me) I’m parking the Subaru and rushing to the metro train platform to join the huddled masses yearning to get to their job sites. I quickly accept the free daily Express offered as I rush through the station entrance. As I settle into the orange vinyl seat I turn my attention to the emails that have accumulated in my inbox. I hurriedly scroll through the urgent, the daily reminders, the get-backs, and the “when you have a minute” queries. This goes on for several minutes until, just past the East Falls Church station the train heads down and into the metro tunnel system.

This is when I take a deep breath and pause.

Image provided courtesy of Pexels.com CC0 license, free for commercial and personal use.

Currently, the Internet connection in the underground sections of the metro transit system is spotty at best. I wish it would stay this way. I know my position here represents the minority viewpoint, but please hear me out. This 14 minute respite each morning – from East Falls Church to the McPherson Square station – is a short but necessary hiatus before all the demands of the day are about to greet me head-on.

Internet connections in the tunnels of the metro are spotty at best. I wish it would stay this way. Click To Tweet

As we move along through the tunnels, this Internet blackout encourages me to take a moment to inhale deeply and exhale slowly. I read the days’ horoscope. I peruse the gossip offered on the back page of the WP Express and also check out any sports news or scores. In short, I have 14 minutes by which to regain a bit of my humanity.

And so, in praise of the sanctity of tunnels, I beseech the powers that be to hear this simple plea for sanity: please keep the tunnels Internet free.

I beseech the powers that be to hear this simple plea: please keep the tunnels Internet free. Click To Tweet

Thank you for your consideration.

Cheers,

Kimba

PS: Do you find unique ways to fit down time into your routine? Please leave your suggestions in the comments section. 

Filed Under: The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats Tagged With: commuter, commuting stories, DC metro, humor, I was in love with a short man once, Kim Dalferes Author, Kimba Dalferes, Kimberly Dalferes, Magic Fishing Panties, middle-aged cheap seats, morning rush, The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats, transit system, tunnels, women writers

Comments

  1. Ivette says

    April 24, 2017 at 11:57 am

    This is a very funny article, because I think many people pass this morning like this. At me so it is exact. Maybe should not rush and then everything will turn out as planned?! I don’t know…

  2. Suzie Cheel says

    April 23, 2017 at 7:23 am

    I feel blessed my commute after my beach walk is down the stairs to my desk, I feel so at peace, no stress 🙂

  3. Marquita Herald says

    April 22, 2017 at 2:59 am

    Wow! I feel stressed just reading about your morning Kimba. I can relate though because my life used to be that way – with the exception of the metro commute. My car was my second home and I was “on-call” 24/7. I don’t make as much money now, but after reading your post I m SO happy that is all behind me! Take care of yourself, we need your wonderful humor. 🙂

    • Kimba says

      April 22, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Ah, Marti – I won’t let the commute get me down (sounds like the beginning of a song!).

  4. Karen @BakingInATornado says

    April 21, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    I think I need a tunnel in my house. I’ve set my phone to not ping for social media so if I have some down time I’m not interrupted. It’s not perfect but it’s a start.

    • Kimba says

      April 22, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Oh, I need to check into that “no pinging” feature!

  5. Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos says

    April 21, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    Kimba LOL!!! I love this blog. It is sooooo me in the morning. After reading your blog I wrapped my arms around myself , gave me a big hug and said, “See, I told you you were normal.” Thanks for making my day!

    • Kimba says

      April 22, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Darlin, if you’re using my life as your “normal” litmus test, we may need to consider a few other options for you!

  6. Diane says

    April 21, 2017 at 9:40 am

    I’m with you! There is nothing that brings peace faster than: I have no internet connection and there’s nothing I can do about it.
    Sigh.

    • Kimba says

      April 22, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      Nice deep sigh indeed.

  7. Monique says

    April 17, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    I try to use a crock pot to help cut down on preparing dinner. Because once I get home to my three sons, I’ll be lucky if I get even five minutes to use the bathroom. So, having dinner ready ahead of time helps immensely. That way, I can dedicate my time to helping the oldest with his homework and building block towers with my two toddlers. 🙂

    • Kimba says

      April 22, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      I’m a big fan of the crock pot. Best way to make a big batch of BBQ for a party. Put out some coleslaw and cornbread and everyone is happy.

Hello!

Author photo #2 in colorI hope you enjoy your time here and that you come back often. Wondering what makes me tick? This favorite quote from one of the grand dames of writing, Erma Bombeck, might help: Hook 'em with the lead. Hold 'em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won't forget. This seems to be a good overall life goal, don’t you think?

Hello!

Author photo #2 in colorWelcome to The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats,  the blog of Kimba Dalferes: slayer of king salmon, estate sale junkie, sometimes writes books.
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Beaches, Bathrooms, and Books!

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Sahar bathroom picKimba’s books have been called both “beach reads” and “bathroom reads.” She prefers beach reads, but hey, if the size 11 shoe fits…Read More...

Kim Dalferes’ Latest Book…

Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle

Humor writer Kimberly “Kimba” Dalferes dishes on a wide variety of topics–from days of her youth spent blissfully on the shores of Florida’s beaches to menopause and empty nests–in her nonfiction collection Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle. In both titles: I Was In Love With a Short Man Once and Magic Fishing Panties, Dalferes’ crazy Southern Irish gal perspective inspires her illustrations of life’s quirky twists and turns. Together, these books offer descriptive and colorful essays on subjects such as getting a tattoo in midlife, unique uses for kitty litter, handling a rabid bat, public speaking gone wrong, and naked hot-tubbing in Vegas. Dalferes skillfully weaves what at first glance may appear to be dissimilar themes into a tapestry that invokes her life’s motto: live out loud, laugh often, and ‘occasionally’ drink tequila. Now available through Amazon Kindle.

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