There are things in the universe I just don’t understand. Actually, I’m keeping a list of the things I don’t understand – no surprise here being that I’m a Virgo; we love lists. I have this plan – of course I have a plan; see previous Virgo reference – that when I get to the pearly gates, St. Peter (aka “Heaven’s Bouncer”) is going to ask me “Do you have any questions before you proceed?”
I’m going to be ready to reply, “Why yes, since you asked…”
Here are some of the top secrets of the universe for which I would like an explanation or maybe just a little bit of background:
- Why is it that as soon as a gal finds the perfect mascara or bra, they get discontinued? Am I wrong? Damn you Kiehl’s; that mineral mascara was fabulous.
- How can Taco Bell be so bad for you and yet so damn delicious?
- So, men get aging gracefully and women get childbirth? How is this even remotely fair? My husband looks better now than the day I married him over a decade ago.
- Speaking of men, what’s the deal with their obsessing over packing the car for vacation? It’s VA-CA-TION… throw the crap in the way-back and hit the road! OK boys; hit me with your best shot with your replies to this one, because I’m not sure poor Peter will be able to explain.
While you’re at it, guys, care to explain your propensity for leaving wet towels on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink? Women REALLY don’t understand this.
- What’s up with mammogram machines? The universe couldn’t inspire someone to create one made out of pillows or something equally soft and comfy? We have inventions like the “Shake Weight” and the “Chia Pet”, but no one’s been inspired to improve the process of having our breasts smashed between two cold plastic plates? I do not understand.
- What’s the universe’s beef with the Florida State University baseball program? Over twenty appearances at the College World Series and you couldn’t let them win even once?
Did a FSU player pee in someone’s Wheaties or something?