Kimberly Dalferes | Author

Crazy, Southern, Irish Gal, Author

Mysteries of the Universe

by

There are things in the universe I just don’t understand. Actually, I’m keeping a list of the things I don’t understand – no surprise here being that I’m a Virgo; we love lists. I have this plan – of course I have a plan; see previous Virgo reference – that when I get to the pearly gates, St. Peter (aka “Heaven’s Bouncer”) is going to ask me “Do you have any questions before you proceed?”

I’m going to be ready to reply, “Why yes, since you asked…”

Here are some of the top secrets of the universe for which I would like an explanation or maybe just a little bit of background:

  • Why is it that as soon as a gal finds the perfect mascara or bra, they get discontinued? Am I wrong? Damn you Kiehl’s; that mineral mascara was fabulous.
  • How can Taco Bell be so bad for you and yet so damn delicious?
  • So, men get aging gracefully and women get childbirth? How is this even remotely fair? My husband looks better now than the day I married him over a decade ago.
  • Speaking of men, what’s the deal with their obsessing over packing the car for vacation? It’s VA-CA-TION… throw the crap in the way-back and hit the road! OK boys; hit me with your best shot with your replies to this one, because I’m not sure poor Peter will be able to explain.  

While you’re at it, guys, care to explain your propensity for leaving wet towels on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink? Women REALLY don’t understand this.

  • What’s up with mammogram machines? The universe couldn’t inspire someone to create one made out of pillows or something equally soft and comfy? We have inventions like the “Shake Weight” and the “Chia Pet”, but no one’s been inspired to improve the process of having our breasts smashed between two cold plastic plates? I do not understand.
  • What’s the universe’s beef with the Florida State University baseball program? Over twenty appearances at the College World Series and you couldn’t let them win even once?

Did a FSU player pee in someone’s Wheaties or something?

So, how about you: what’s your one burning question of the universe? Please leave your question in the comments section and I’ll add it to my list; I promise.

Cheers,

Kimba

Comments

  2. On discontinuation – There's also an issue when you really like a clothing item, but decide to come back later that week to buy it…And they never have it!
    On Taco Bell – Have you tried the Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes? They're little-known, but they are my absolute favorite item on the menu.

    • Susan, you are SO enabling my addiction! Now I gotta hit the TB and look for those Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes – yum!!

      You know what's worse: when you go back, they still have the clothing item, but now only in one size too small.

  3. Kim, I love this post. You have given me a good laugh today.
    I'm wondering why a parent allows their child to slam their tray table up and down for an entire 3 hours flight. Do they know see a person is sitting in front of them? Maybe I'm just pondering this because it just happen to me and I was so needing some sleep.

    • I think even St. Peter, in those moments, would forgive a good "Hey lady/mister:  you do know that your child is in serious need of a little good ol' fashioned parenting at the moment; right?" 

      Hopefully karma will reward you on your next flight with a seat next to George Clooney's stunt double. 

    • Thx for stopping by Carol – we're hoping maybe, as the resident "How To" gal, you can discover a way to get those wet towels up off the floor! 

      Have a great weekend.

    • LOL – if anyone out there has found a solution to the dirty dishes in the sink" conundrum, please share your solution with the sisterhood!

      Thx for stopping by Jean.

  8. Hi Kimba,
    I love your article. I was smiling the whole time. I'm sure I can come up with  a few questions to ask St-Pete…but for now I am drawing a blank…I'll be back…promise 😉