The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has noted that, on average, my life expectancy is currently about 79 years (Centers for Disease Control). You might be wondering “where you going with this Kimba?” Well, when I read this it got me to thinking – according to the CDC, I hit middle-aged about a decade ago, right? If middle-aged is indeed the chronological mid-point of our lives, then I reached middle-aged status around age 39.
What does middle-aged mean to most of us, aside from the age countdown? The term can be accompanied with a bit of a drab visual: old; boring; tired; frumpy; maybe even a bit sad. That’s certainly not how I’ve thought of myself during these past ten years. However, as I now approach the mid-century mark, there are a few life moments and realities that I’ve experienced and, I must admit, are beginning to place me firmly in middle-aged territory.
To borrow from the great Jeff Foxworthy and his famous You Might Be a Redneck If… musings, below are my top ten You Might Be Middle-Aged If… observations:
- You’ve become genuine friends with your kids and you actually ask them for advice.
- Your hair is getting thinner everywhere except on your legs – and where the hell did my eyebrows go?
- You’ve ever taken off your bra and it’s like an airbag has deployed.
- You’ve ever walked into a room and can’t for the life of you remember why.
- You now leave ‘readers’ all over the house because that damn print has suddenly gotten SO tiny.
- You’ve ever taken to blaming the little people for stealing all the things you can’t find (I sure wish they would return that Gap gift card).
- You’ve ever started a sentence with “Back when I was in school…”
- You think Ryan Reynolds is hot and this might make you a cougar and you don’t care.
- You’ve ever been called a cougar.
- You’ve been best friends with someone for over thirty-five years and she still thinks your jokes are funny – Happy Birthday Dani!
How about you my fellow middle-aged brothers and sisters – how do you feel about this life milestone? I believe I’m starting to embrace the whole “age and experience over youth and exuberance” philosophy. The ‘ol gal staring back at me in the mirror every morning still has a bit of a twinkle in her eye, even if those eyes now have crow’s feet. The view from the middle-aged cheap seats sure is interesting, don’t you think?