The Art of the Middle-Aged Swimsuit

Here we are in mid-June, firmly pressing into summer. The annual ritual of warming up, slowing down, and taking time off is upon us.

  • Sunscreen: check.
  • New summer read: check.
  • I-Pod loaded with beach-themed music: check.
  • Well-fitting yet comfy swim suit: Ugh. Damn.

swimsuit weather is coming

This happens to me every year. I’ve promised myself in the winter months I’ll work out more, eat less, shed a few pounds and buy myself a new swimsuit. And, if I’m being honest, every June I look at myself in the mirror and utter; “Well that didn’t turn out so well….”

The media certainly seems to want to be helpful; at every turn I find magazines touting the miracles of the perfect bathing suit. Everyone is offering an ultra slimming; look ten pounds lighter; show off your best assets miracle suit. Just look at this sample that I came across today:  

I’ll give More magazine props as the publication that most earnestly tries to hit all the highlights in their “Best Swimsuits for Every Age, Size and Budget” – http://www.more.com/swimsuits-every-size-age-budget , with fifty-two pictures included! 

For us middle-aged gals, how to dress for the beach, lake, or pool becomes a little bit more onerous each summer season. OK, before I get all the hate mail from the love your bodylove yourself – screw everyone else crowd, I get that there are women out there who can let it all hang out. Just last week I saw a woman of about 50 at the local farmer’s market wearing a spaghetti strapped tank with no bra and she could have cared less what anyone thought of her sagging girls. To her I say, with genuine feeling and zero snarkiness:

bill-murray-youre-awesome-500x648

For the rest of us in the middle-aged cheap seats, here are a few suggestions to get us through these next summer months:

10. When trying on swimsuits, take the time to try on many different styles. Your assets may have shifted a bit since last summer.

9. Accentuate the positive: a little waxing; a nice pedicure; and a great beach bag will serve you well.

8. I can’t pull off a two piece, but if you can – you go girl.

7. Wear the right size. My feeling is that your correct swimsuit size is usually at least one size larger compared to your normal size …

fact-or-fiction_h

6. Ruffles at our age are probably not going to work. But I’m on the fence about this one. Thoughts?

5. Just say no to frumpy.

4. Coordinating cover-up; yes. Flowing moo-moo; no.

3. Similar to the LBD, when in doubt go with a black tank one piece. I also hear navy is very “in” this year. Can anyone out there pull off white? Anyone?

2. Even the flattest of middle-aged gals is gonna need some support – unless you’ve discovered a miracle cure for gravity.

And Kimba’s #1 suggestion for getting through the summer swimsuit season:

1. Wear a big floppy hat. It’s a great distraction.

kim floppy hat

How about you – are you ready for swimsuit season? Any advice for your sisters in suits?

Cheers,

Kimba

30 thoughts on “The Art of the Middle-Aged Swimsuit”

  1. I just saw a photo of Nigella Lawson in a burkini with comments that this seems to be some new trend and I thought "No way!" Of course, it's one option, but the real deal is that we need to accept ourselves as we are.

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    • Even at my skinniest I never really liked the way I looked in a two piece. You're right, it's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin – be that a bikini or a one-piece.

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    Reply
  3. Why is it that chimichangas taste so good? especially when you're sunbathing in Southern Florida with a middle-aged woman that has a collection of figurines? Chimichungas taste good!

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  4. My motto to myself is "Well Ole' Girl…….you are not as good as you once were…..but in many areas you've got it going on….." and then I just keep moving on……..and enjoying life as me…..all of me and the whole of who I am.  In the daytime last year on the lake I sported cycle pants that breathed, a full black hat and sun glasses while on the jetski during the day to protect my Irish skin from the sun.  At night by the moonlight I shimmied down to my birthday suit and swam in the lake under a moon light sky with my bestfriend for a solid hour and appreciated the beautiful un-perfect woman I am and the water and world that surrounded me 🙂

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  5. The last time you were in Florida & I saw you in a swimsuit, I thought you looked pretty darn good. I was very self-conscious in mine on the cruise…but I saw much worse & no one seemed to care. Like the idea of shorts if you aren't going in the water & definitely agree with the SUNSCREEN. Enjoyed the chuckle, as always!

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  6. I love your sense of humor Kim! This will be the first summer in awhile I won't be avoiding the beach – oh, no "bathing beauty" illusions, but no bumps or overlaps either. I experienced the most amazing thing this winter – I shrunk back into all my favorite clothes – without even going on a diet. It wasn't intentional – which I have a feeling is the key. Happy or sad, I've always been an emotional eater. I've just been so focused on writing the past few months I didn't even realize I'd been shrinking until I pulled on a pair of shorts and they were so big one tug and they fell off. Oh joy!

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  7. Heck I am only 35 and I know that doesn't fit into middle age categories but I also hate swim suits.  Since I don't do much actual swimming but walking around I have gone with the beach shorts and bathing suit top look for a while.  I call them beach shorts becasue they are biity shorts technichally.  WAY shorter than any other pair I would ever wear anywhere, but they are a little more coverage and a little less tight than the bottoms of the suit.  OH, and an awesome hat that makes people look up and any redirects any potential finger pointing to my head. 

     

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  8. Cute post.

    I actually just went bathign suit shopping for the first time in 3 years, since having my son.  It was painful as my body is changing and I can no longer wear the Jr. bathing suits that I love because they are half the price.  Unfortunately, they are also half the material and while I am very toned and fit, as a mom of two with kids tugging at me, I just am still concerned about letting too much fall out as boobs are out of control.  Anyway, thanks for the tips. . .and resources.

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  9. I LOVE this HeHe…The past couple of das I've been doing some shopping and bought great jeans, shoes, a great dress for a June wedding we are going to attend, a bra and underwear…yeah…all done…Nope! I've been glancing at the bathing and couldn't convince myself to do it. I think it's because it takes me so much time to decide on the style and all…Your tips anf the links you shared are great! I think it's all I needed to see to get the motivation. Women are B E A U T I F U L!! Gosh! let's stop this non-sense about looking the part! LOL …Hey! Here a thought…Let's all go buy a white swimsuit 😉 

    Great post Kimba!

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  10. Thanks for the laugh, have just been in my swimmers today- yes it is winter here and the water is still warm so I went swimming.

    I know how you feel and these days having changed how i eat ( alkaline) the gift of 20 plus less pounds or so makes me feel great- I still hanker for the day maybe will I wear a bikini again- dream on

    Reply

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