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Kimberly Dalferes | Author

Crazy, Southern, Irish Gal, Author

What Would Donald Tweet?

November 25, 2016 by Kim Dalferes

Well folks, the election is finally over and we have our next elected leader. I’m not going to add to the massive collective gestalt regarding this upcoming presidency. Our Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, and blog posts are clogged with commentary and I’ve seen one too many friendships come to blows over the election outcome. Please know that I’m in no way trying to be dismissive or disrespectful of anyone’s beliefs, attitudes, concerns, or fears. And, of course I have my opinions – I’m Irish, having an opinion is embedded in my DNA. However, there are people out there much smarter than moi who can intelligently articulate the ramifications of proposed policy shifts, programmatic funding priorities, and presidential appointments.

I Don't Know, What Do YOU Think?

Image provided courtesy of Gratisograhy.com. No known restrictions. 

However, I am intrigued by, and willing to comment on, how Mr. Trump communicates. His style is, um, interesting. He does get his points across in a very distinct way. Sitting up here in the Middle-Aged Cheap Seats, I’ve found myself pondering: what would it be like if we all tweeted in the same manner as the President-elect? 

What Would Donald Tweet?

What would it be like if we all tweeted in the same manner as the President-elect? #WWDT Click To Tweet

Here are a few examples of how my tweets might be written if I emulated Mr. Trump’s 140 character or less communications.

“These Spanx don’t make me look like a size four! I should sue, oh I could sue, believe me, I would win, bigly.” #WWDT

“A one-star review! Very unfair, so unfair, what a nasty reviewer.” #WWDT

“I’ve been treated very unfairly by God. Size 11 feet, so unfair. I really deserve an apology.” #WWDT

“Just left the gym. What a fantastic workout. My trainer is going to make my thighs great again!” #WWDT

Just left the gym. What a fantastic workout. My trainer is going to make my thighs great again!” #WWDT Click To Tweet

“I’m going to build a NYT best seller. Believe me, it’s going to be huge. And we’ll make Barnes & Noble pay for it.” #WWDT

“I know more about eggs than farmers do. We’re going to get the eggs. Such nasty things. Believe, me, they’re going to be gone.” #WWDT

“Of course I’ll release my novel first draft. Just as soon as my beta readers are finished. Sorry, that’s the law, not my fault.” #WWDT

“Nobody respects the Gators more than I do. I guarantee it.” Yeah, sorry, I really can’t write this one with a straight face. #GONOLES #WWDT

A final thought and a little unsolicited advice for the President-elect. For what it’s worth (which, admittedly, ain’t much), dude, you gotta learn to roll with it a bit. Get a thicker skin. You’re going to be President of the United States. I’m suggesting that maybe you worry about some issues a little more pressing than whether or not a group of Broadway actors was nice to your VP. You know, things like the economy and jobs, crime, public education, college affordability, national security, re-building our infrastructure – you kinda have a full plate. It might be a good idea to set some priorities and lay off the Twitter a bit. Just sayin.

Cheers,

Kimba

Filed Under: The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats Tagged With: 2016 election, blog, donald trump, FSU, humor, Kim Dalferes Author, Kimba, Kimberly Dalferes, president elect, The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats, women writers

Comments

  1. Joyce Hansen says

    November 30, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    Thanks Kim for being an informed citizen and passing on your insightful commentary. I now feel better knowing that Tump has made Twitter great again and created new jobs options for humorists.

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      Ha Joyce. I sense a bit of sarcasm, yes?

  2. Flori says

    November 28, 2016 at 6:29 am

    Those tweets sound very”Donald” they made me smile. Not something I usually do when he comes to mind

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Yeah, The Don doesn’t make many smile. But, SNL has material for days.

  3. Stella Chiu says

    November 26, 2016 at 12:41 pm

    Hi, Kim

    it so funny, I laughed the whole time while I was reading it.
    I love the egg twist and the best seller twist in which he asked the Barn and Noble to pay for it.

    Thanks!

    Stella Chiu

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      Thx Stella, just a little funny to carry us through and into 2017.

  4. Beverley Golden says

    November 25, 2016 at 7:14 pm

    Love that you took the time to get inside DT’s twitter mind, Kimberly! Although maybe he really is an open book that way. Appreciate the humour and that you tried to lighten the possible reality of his presidency. Even though I am a Canadian, like you, my hope is he lightens up on the petty things and starts seeing the gravity of the bigger issues at hand!

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Oh no, I would never try to get into Donald’s head – I believe that is a scary place where snakes may dwell.

  5. Suzie Cheel says

    November 25, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    You are so funny Kim just love that you made me laugh first thing in the morning as they say Laughter heals 🙂 xx

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      Happy to add to your wonderful disposition Suzie.

  6. Marquita Herald says

    November 25, 2016 at 12:33 pm

    Absolutely priceless! Thank you for bring a bit of humor to this sad situation. Happy to share because I know many others who could use a good laugh right about now. 🙂

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

  7. Joyce Brewer says

    November 25, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    I don’t know why folks think that Twitter is dead. It’s been the biggest topic of this presidential election!

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Twitter is definitely not dead. I think the next four years will be mighty interesting.

  8. Liz says

    November 25, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Thanks for making me laugh about something that has made me want to cry.

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      You and me both chica.

  9. Diane says

    November 25, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Love it! Love the hashtag. I think it’ll take off! 🙂

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      OH, we shall see. Thx for stopping my Diane.

  10. Betsy Ashton says

    November 25, 2016 at 10:54 am

    YES! Love the hashtag. Might have to start using it, although that might make the prez-elect hang on Twitter even more. Thanks for the laugh. Great way to start my morning. Now, back to NaNoWriMo

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:47 pm

      Good luck with NaNoWriMo my friend.

  11. Betsy Ashton says

    November 25, 2016 at 10:54 am

    YES! Love the hashtag. Might have to start using it, although that might make the prez-elect hang on Twitter even more. Thanks for the laugh. Great way to start my morning. Now, back to NaNoWriMo

  12. Debbie D. says

    November 25, 2016 at 9:09 am

    Thanks for the laughs! 🙂 So many of us in Canada are waiting with baited breath to see what President Trump will do. I can only imagine the level of anxiety in the U.S.

  13. Mona Andrei says

    November 25, 2016 at 8:24 am

    Lol – I love the egg Tweet!

    • Kim Dalferes says

      December 18, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      A fellow egg hater – welcome!

Hello!

Author photo #2 in colorI hope you enjoy your time here and that you come back often. Wondering what makes me tick? This favorite quote from one of the grand dames of writing, Erma Bombeck, might help: Hook 'em with the lead. Hold 'em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won't forget. This seems to be a good overall life goal, don’t you think?

Hello!

Author photo #2 in colorWelcome to The Middle-Aged Cheap Seats,  the blog of Kimba Dalferes: slayer of king salmon, estate sale junkie, sometimes writes books.
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Beaches, Bathrooms, and Books!

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Kim Dalferes’ Latest Book…

Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle

Humor writer Kimberly “Kimba” Dalferes dishes on a wide variety of topics–from days of her youth spent blissfully on the shores of Florida’s beaches to menopause and empty nests–in her nonfiction collection Crazy Southern Irish Gal Two-Book Bundle. In both titles: I Was In Love With a Short Man Once and Magic Fishing Panties, Dalferes’ crazy Southern Irish gal perspective inspires her illustrations of life’s quirky twists and turns. Together, these books offer descriptive and colorful essays on subjects such as getting a tattoo in midlife, unique uses for kitty litter, handling a rabid bat, public speaking gone wrong, and naked hot-tubbing in Vegas. Dalferes skillfully weaves what at first glance may appear to be dissimilar themes into a tapestry that invokes her life’s motto: live out loud, laugh often, and ‘occasionally’ drink tequila. Now available through Amazon Kindle.

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