Kimberly Dalferes | Author

Crazy, Southern, Irish Gal, Author

What Would Donald Tweet?

by

Well folks, the election is finally over and we have our next elected leader. I’m not going to add to the massive collective gestalt regarding this upcoming presidency. Our Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, and blog posts are clogged with commentary and I’ve seen one too many friendships come to blows over the election outcome. Please know that I’m in no way trying to be dismissive or disrespectful of anyone’s beliefs, attitudes, concerns, or fears. And, of course I have my opinions – I’m Irish, having an opinion is embedded in my DNA. However, there are people out there much smarter than moi who can intelligently articulate the ramifications of proposed policy shifts, programmatic funding priorities, and presidential appointments.

I Don't Know, What Do YOU Think?

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However, I am intrigued by, and willing to comment on, how Mr. Trump communicates. His style is, um, interesting. He does get his points across in a very distinct way. Sitting up here in the Middle-Aged Cheap Seats, I’ve found myself pondering: what would it be like if we all tweeted in the same manner as the President-elect? 

What Would Donald Tweet?

What would it be like if we all tweeted in the same manner as the President-elect? #WWDT Click To Tweet

Here are a few examples of how my tweets might be written if I emulated Mr. Trump’s 140 character or less communications.

“These Spanx don’t make me look like a size four! I should sue, oh I could sue, believe me, I would win, bigly.” #WWDT

“A one-star review! Very unfair, so unfair, what a nasty reviewer.” #WWDT

“I’ve been treated very unfairly by God. Size 11 feet, so unfair. I really deserve an apology.” #WWDT

“Just left the gym. What a fantastic workout. My trainer is going to make my thighs great again!” #WWDT

Just left the gym. What a fantastic workout. My trainer is going to make my thighs great again!” #WWDT Click To Tweet

“I’m going to build a NYT best seller. Believe me, it’s going to be huge. And we’ll make Barnes & Noble pay for it.” #WWDT

“I know more about eggs than farmers do. We’re going to get the eggs. Such nasty things. Believe, me, they’re going to be gone.” #WWDT

“Of course I’ll release my novel first draft. Just as soon as my beta readers are finished. Sorry, that’s the law, not my fault.” #WWDT

“Nobody respects the Gators more than I do. I guarantee it.” Yeah, sorry, I really can’t write this one with a straight face. #GONOLES #WWDT

A final thought and a little unsolicited advice for the President-elect. For what it’s worth (which, admittedly, ain’t much), dude, you gotta learn to roll with it a bit. Get a thicker skin. You’re going to be President of the United States. I’m suggesting that maybe you worry about some issues a little more pressing than whether or not a group of Broadway actors was nice to your VP. You know, things like the economy and jobs, crime, public education, college affordability, national security, re-building our infrastructure – you kinda have a full plate. It might be a good idea to set some priorities and lay off the Twitter a bit. Just sayin.

Cheers,

Kimba

Comments

  1. Thanks Kim for being an informed citizen and passing on your insightful commentary. I now feel better knowing that Tump has made Twitter great again and created new jobs options for humorists.

  2. Those tweets sound very”Donald” they made me smile. Not something I usually do when he comes to mind

  3. Hi, Kim

    it so funny, I laughed the whole time while I was reading it.
    I love the egg twist and the best seller twist in which he asked the Barn and Noble to pay for it.

    Thanks!

    Stella Chiu

  4. Love that you took the time to get inside DT’s twitter mind, Kimberly! Although maybe he really is an open book that way. Appreciate the humour and that you tried to lighten the possible reality of his presidency. Even though I am a Canadian, like you, my hope is he lightens up on the petty things and starts seeing the gravity of the bigger issues at hand!

  6. Absolutely priceless! Thank you for bring a bit of humor to this sad situation. Happy to share because I know many others who could use a good laugh right about now. 🙂

  10. YES! Love the hashtag. Might have to start using it, although that might make the prez-elect hang on Twitter even more. Thanks for the laugh. Great way to start my morning. Now, back to NaNoWriMo

  11. YES! Love the hashtag. Might have to start using it, although that might make the prez-elect hang on Twitter even more. Thanks for the laugh. Great way to start my morning. Now, back to NaNoWriMo

  12. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂 So many of us in Canada are waiting with baited breath to see what President Trump will do. I can only imagine the level of anxiety in the U.S.

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